A Shell of a Person

Alt title: That Time I Got My Kids Kicked Out of Summer Camp

We had a really negative experience with a school authority this summer. An incident occurred at summer camp where one of my kids was treated in a way I found problematic and — well, frankly — unprofessional. When it happened, I tried to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were having a bad day. They probably needed some time to cool off and reflect. But when they doubled down a few weeks later, my mama bear came out.

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My kids make mistakes every day. Dr. Becky Kennedy reminds us it’s our kids’ jobs to make mistakes and test boundaries and it’s our jobs to pilot the plane. To navigate, keep calm and safely get us from point A to point B. When our kids do their job, i.e. make mistakes, we shouldn’t be surprised. They’re not “bad” kids. They are normal kids doing their job. Our job, as pilots, is to guide them back on track. To stay calm and help them learn and grow.

Needless to say, this administrator was not having a ‘stay calm’ moment. Their behavior was embarrassing, to say the least. Dysregulated, childish, and uneducated if you asked me to go on. And while I held my tongue the day of the incident, when they doubled down all those days later, I had to do the thing that scares me most: I had to confront the adult’s behavior and call it out. Yes, it felt empowering to stand up for my kids. And no, we are not welcome back to that school. Which made for a bit of an end-of-summer scramble, but still — totally worth it.

Me walking away from toxic school administrators (and no, I didn’t burn down the building but that was the vibe)

I’ve never had to fight and advocate more than as a parent. Maybe this is because I never learned to do it for myself. Or maybe it’s because I’m so conflict-adverse, I would much rather walk away from situations, but we don’t have that luxury in parenting. It is our duty to fight for our children. It is our duty to advocate for them and hopefully teach them one day how to do it for themselves.

If you read my book, you might remember the horrific meeting we had with our school principal many years ago. I was only a few months sober at the time, but even that brief period of sobriety gave me the strength to feel confident in my actions and purpose, something I never felt in heavy drinking.

In drinking, I felt like a shell of a person. I lost my accountability. I relied on my phone history and the reflections of others to tell me what exactly happened the night before, what I did or didn’t say, and that shame ate me alive. When we can’t be confident in our own memories, or stand by the things we’ve said or done, we are a house of cards; a gentle breeze away from collapse.

In sobriety, I got reacquainted to my purpose, my confidence, and my accountability. I started to learn how to trust my intuition again, speak up when something feels amiss, and see the 30-thousand foot view in any given situation. I was proud of myself for acknowledging in our first interaction with the admin this summer that they seemed dysregulated and maybe something else was going on outside of the scope. But I was even more proud of myself for calling out their behavior on the second round, when I realized they didn’t do any self-reflection or care to take any responsibility for their own behavior.

I wouldn’t have done that in the past. Instead, I likely would have drank at my rage and try to drown it out. I would have felt like a victim instead of my children’s greatest advocate. I would have missed an incredible opportunity to show my kids I will fight for them when someone mistreats them.

Sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving. And moments like these remind me just how much I’ve grown. My kids see me as a strong mom, but little do they know — I’m simply someone who transformed from a shell of a person to someone who is whole inside.

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