A Sober Person's Champagne Problems

When It Comes To Priorities, My Sobriety Comes First

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People keep asking me if I’m excited for summer and the honest to god truth is no — not really. I’ve got my kids’ schedules packed in back-to-back summer camps to keep them out of my hair as I start the book launch process. I’m nervous and uncomfortable about the book coming out as I just saw a close friend run herself ragged for her launch. And I’ve been meeting with my publicity team and learning all the extremely uncomfortable “asks” I will need to start making. To media, influencers, social media friends and to my followers. As my aforementioned friend reminded me: “Get ready to beg and plead for the next four months.” SIGH.

I’m feeling increasingly frustrated with Substack these last couple of weeks as I lose about 10 subscribers with each new post and gain only a few, for a net negative result, which is beyond frustrating for the amount of time and energy I put into these weekly posts. Unlike social media, where followers consistently grow over time, my Substack seems to working the opposite way.

If I was doing this for a company, I would put my emotions aside and do a deep dive into the why. But because this is so close to my heart, collecting data feel gross; like a creative autopsy. I want people to be here because they find my writing valuable. Shouldn’t that be enough?

I know I’m whining to the choir, as anyone who’s read this far is probably someone who does find value and does want to support, so thank you. I also get a few really kind, heartwarming emails each week from people who are touched by a particular post, so thank you so much for those as well.

I figure I need to make a change, either to content, my time or where my energy goes — especially as the book launch looms and I feel a bit stuck in a bear trap by my own doing. So please be patient and flexible with me as the summer stretches and I grow increasingly stressed.

In full Celeste fashion, I’ve also signed up to run a marathon a month after my book launch — WHY CELESTE WHY? I went on my first training run this morning and had to walk at mile four because my knee began to hurt, which has my head spiraling into very negative future tripping about a non-starter training season. I returned from my run, normally swimming in a dopamine high of accomplishment, feeling disappointed and irritated.

These are a sober person’s champagne problems. I used to have actual “champagne problems,” like blackouts, drunken stupidity, hangovers, and all the other mishaps that come when you consume a mind-altering substance on the regular. But now I have champagne “problems” because my sobriety has gifted me with so much, a lot of the challenges I now face are things many strive towards.

You hear people in recovery say “I’ve got 99 problems, but alcohol solved like 30 of them” or whatever the saying is and it’s absolutely true. My disappointing run… my anxiety around a book launch (Um hello!?! I’m pinching myself even writing that.) The fact that I feel comfortable enough to put my neurodivergent child in summer camp this year is a HUGE win. So many magical, surreal champagne problems only made possible because of my sobriety.

My book about my sobriety comes out in the fall. My marathon training — this will be my fifth marathon — is only because sobriety has given me back my Sunday mornings to train instead of nurse hangovers. Sobriety also gives me energy and drive to pursue things that never crossed my mind in my drinking days. My Substack? I complain about numbers but getting my butt down at my desk and writing each week is cathartic.

I hosted a meeting this morning and reminded the women on the call that in my life, sobriety is the bones of the house. My priority is keeping those bones strong and cared for. Everything else: parenting, exercise, what I eat, self-care… all of that builds off or around the bones. A home can have gorgeous floors, high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows, but without good bones, it cannot weather the storm. Without my sobriety, I have a house of cards and I’m just waiting for even the slightest breeze to blow everything away.

Summer is going to be stressful. It’s going to be a rollercoaster of work, camping, keeping my kids from fighting, and hopefully marathon training. Like I said — a sober person’s champagne problems. But my focus through all of it; my focus above all of it remains my sobriety. Because it’s how and why I’m here to begin with. It’s the foundation for everything else.

My book, It’s Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture, is available for pre-order here.

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