Addiction Feels Like The Ocean
When it came to quitting drinking, I think I finally realized I wanted more for myself.
Hangovers left me despondent and lifeless. I knew there was more than this, but everything felt just out of reach. Like I was out at sea in a rowboat and I could see land in the distance, but I had no oars.
I would wake up feeling nauseous, dizzy, and with a headache like a boulder too big for my skull.
I dreaded the day. I played mental ping pong over what in the calendar I could opt-out of with no ramifications. Disappointing my kids and family became part of the script. And I pined for evening, when I could 'take the edge off' with a glass of wine that would inevitably lead to the bottle.
And the cycle would begin anew.
There had to be more that this. In fact, I could see there was more -- that slight sliver of horizon in the distance called to me.
But it wasn't until I got out of my own damn way, realizing that my drinking was the ocean between me and land, for me to realize the oars were on the boat all along.
I just wasn't ready to row.
Until now.