Dear Alcohol

It Was Good Til It Wasn't

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Dear Alcohol,

Wow, it’s been a trip. We were ride or die for so long. But those last few years veered more on “die” and I realized something would need to change, and fast.

Art by This Mama Doodles

As with most relationships, it was good til it wasn’t. You supported me when I needed you. I thought we’d go the distance, but then things started to happen. You wanted more and more of me. You started to hurt me, and not just physically. I thought I needed you, when what I really needed was sleep, or food, or connection. You kept me away from my family – my kids! And tried to convince me I couldn’t do this motherhood thing without you, though the evidence started showing just the opposite.

I can do motherhood without you. In fact, I must.

When I was with you, I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be nor the mother my kids needed. I stopped recognizing myself because I started to lose myself altogether. Time and space blurred, and I lost focus on what really matters in this one life I have. When I finally caught my breath, I saw the truth: my kids, my family, my health? I have them now but they won’t always wait around. I had to choose.

Dear alcohol, I’m not mad anymore. I’m not confused, or bitter. I’m not pacing the floor determined to find a way to keep you without losing part of me. And someday, all of me.  

You can’t take anything from me anymore, alcohol. I am already gone.

Now, for the first time, I finally feel free.