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Someone recently asked me if I think toxic drinking culture is getting better. I mean… it’s better than it used to be right? People know the dangers of mommy wine culture and alcohol in general. Mainstream news no longer sugarcoats the dangers of alcohol. Sober curious, Sober October, Gray Area Drinking and Mocktails are now standard vernacular in our language, so yes it must be better — right?
Well, to be honest I don’t know. My news and social media algorithms are skewed, as you can imagine. They are echo chambers of what I write about and who I follow. The only times I see pro-toxic drinking messages are when a) the algorithm gets it wrong and b) someone tags me on something particularly problematic.
But I want to think we are collectively doing better. That we are more mindful of the messages we send to others and children around alcohol. But then I’ll hear a story like the one I’m about to tell you and want to completely throw in the towel…
Last week I was chatting with a dear friend, Amy (not her real name), who started a new job about six months ago. She recently had her second baby and said that since then she’s experienced adverse affects to drinking even just one drink, so she really hasn’t had any alcohol in over a year and has no intention of drinking anytime soon.
She said that her boss seems more than uncomfortable with her decision to abstain. Comments he’s made in the last six months include: “Just have one,” “Don’t be boring,” and “Why can’t you have a drink?”
She said he’s loudly said to others in her presence that people in the job “need to be drinkers.” That it’s “part of the job.”
Y’all, can we just all agree on something?
Don’t be a dick.
This kind of pressure is not okay, and to be coming in the workplace from a direct supervisor is incredibly inappropriate. My friend abstains for personal reasons unrelated to addiction but I can only imagine the pressure that might put on someone like me who struggled with alcohol use disorder, where “just having one” could be to the detriment of my health, my job and even my life.
A toxic drinking culture in the workplace benefits NO ONE. While I think people previously believed it encouraged camaraderie in the workplace, that myth has been debunked time and time again through research and statistics around adverse results of drinking in the workplace or in connection to the workplace.
Google discovered that 20% of their sexual harassment cases involved alcohol, and they made work environment changes accordingly, forbidding “excessive drinking” at work related events. But this is just the tip of the iceberg, and ongoing issues with Google workplace culture shows there’s still a lot of work to do there. What we really need is better boundaries around drinking and the workplace altogether.
And yet, the pressures to imbibe can be extensive and exhausting. “The social stakes of workplace drinking cultures can be forebodingly high, especially for individuals who choose not to drink,” according to Access Health News. “The unspoken and often confusing protocol around workplace drinking creates enormous social pressure to conform and consume alcohol, whether or not employees feel comfortable with such substance use.”
I think of my friend, Amy, and her multiple awkward exchanges with her boss. Amy doesn’t want to involve HR because it doesn’t bother her that much and she’s not concerned with caving to peer pressure (or boss-pressure in this case). Calling out a co-worker in this situation could lead to uncomfortable work dynamic or even social isolation. It’s a risk and the implications on Amy, the new employee, are greater for her than her boss.
If Amy can’t speak out, I can (and she’s given me permission to share this story). A workplace that pushes drinking or drinks on employees is not okay. A toxic drinking workplace does not improve company culture. And a work dynamic built on alcohol-infused “relationship building” serves no one.
Why do we offer and even encourage drinking alcohol in the office? Why do we propagate alcohol-fueled company events when we know the implications and risks?
It’s time to change our toxic drinking workplace culture and do a better job of supporting and including our alcohol-free colleagues. An employee should never feel pressured or ostracized for abstaining from alcohol. And a truly inclusive work environment includes making alcohol-free employees feel safe and valued, always offering alcohol-free options at company events, and striving for a company culture built on genuine relationship building.
Where You’ve Seen Me
I enjoyed talking to Fran and Jenna on Fitish, talking about mommy wine culture and the pressures of mothers to drink. They are a couple who are new parents, and I appreciated hearing the husband’s perspective on some of this.
Here’s my appearance on The Way Out Podcast. I’ve done so many podcasts with women, it’s refreshing to have these conversations on addiction with men. Our topics always feel interesting and introspective.
Pssst. If you sign up as a founding subscriber, you will not only get access to all my writing, but I will send you a signed copy of my book: It’s Not About the Wine!
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