How I Quit Drinking without AA
Alcoholics Anonymous saves lives. Let me start there, because I do not condemn ANY path to recovery. We are all very different and need different ways to recover from addiction. But when I first contemplated quitting drinking, I believed that AA was the only choice I had. I also believed it was not the right path for me.
There are many reasons I got to this place; believe me. It wasn't just that I didn't identify myself as an alcoholic. It was watching my own dad's struggles in AA, as well as the negative way the media often portrays AA that felt confusing and not the right fit for me. It was also a time in my life where I was raising little humans and just taking a shower felt like a huge commitment... so how was I suppose to make time for meetings?
So when I decided to quit drinking one December in 2017, I wanted to do it on my own. No AA; no sponsor; no Big Book. Just me.
Looking back, I regret going about it this way. The first days of sobriety can be very lonely and scary and I didn't need to do it alone, with or without AA. I later learned there are many paths for recovery, far beyond AA. And now that everything is available via Zoom, the ability to attend meetings from home is a game changer -- especially for mothers of littles.
But I did it alone. I only told two people -- my husband and mom, neither of whom have struggles with addiction so they could not relate. But putting those words out there... "I am concerned with my drinking and I need to quit" was the accountability check I needed to start on the right foot.
I went into the early days white knuckling it -- again, something that I regret looking back and not the easiest path. But my 'why' was in place and it was strong. I knew I had to quit drinking or alcohol would consume me in the same way it did to my father. My dad was 52 when he had a stroke from his drinking. He almost died and was permanently disabled. At nearly 40 years old, the proximity in age suddenly felt suffocating.
It started with restructuring my routine. Times where I felt triggered at home had to go. I started keeping myself occupied and out of the house during those times. Involving my husband or mom helped -- because again, accountability. I used the time I was getting back (drinking and hangovers are huge time sucks) to start doing things I used to always complain I didn't have time for, like exercising, organizing projects, reading or writing.
The transformation didn't happen overnight but it took me a lot less time to feel like an entirely new person than my spiral into problematic drinking took. In just weeks, then months, the 'pink cloud' of feeling like a whole new human lifted me to a feeling of awakening and lightness.
Quit lit (literature about recovery) became my favorite thing as I burned through books like This Naked Mind and Between Breaths. I started training for a marathon. I expereinced my first sober vacation.
Day after day these little things added up to BIG big wins. It wasn't until my one year soberversary, however, that I really had that lightbulb moment where I knew I never wanted to drink again. Before, I always told myself this could be temporary. It didn't have to be forever. But one day, like a light switch, I realized sobriety gave me my entire life back.
Now, three years sober, I do a lot of things to stay strong in my sobriety. I attend and host meetings with the Sober Mom Squad. I am still crazy for quit lit. And of course, I write all about my sobriety on my blog and on social media. And I did it all without ever setting foot in an AA meeting.
If you are thinking about quitting alcohol but know that AA is not the path for you, don't let that stop you from doing what's best for your health, your wellbeing and your family. Follow my advice or forge your own path. You deserve to know what freedom feels like.
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