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A few years ago, I wrote a piece about how I quit drinking without AA. (No hate to AA, I just never tried it). I talked about the steps I took, the support I used, and the growth I experienced. This was and is my story. I’ll never forget the multiple messages I received from one woman telling me to take down my post immediately. ‘It’s dangerous,’ she said. ‘It will kill people.’
How THE FUCK is my own story of finding freedom from alcohol going to kill people? It was yet another reminder to me how polarizing the recovery world can be.
I very kindly told her I disagreed and I’m not taking down my story. She said she was blocking me. Fine.
That was a pretty unique experience. Most of my time on social media sharing my sobriety has been positive. In fact, my upcoming book, It’s Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture, includes the merits of the sober community on Instagram. How it played such a big role in my own sobriety as well as the formation of the Sober Mom Squad, and I offer it as a lifeline for anyone looking to grow their sober community.
But I’m starting to wonder if the tides are changing. Sober Instagram has really thrown me for a loop lately and I have to wonder if its renaissance as a beacon of hope and empowerment for anyone in recovery has peaked.
If you are immersed in the recovery community on Instagram already, you probably have seen this firsthand. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m not going to beat around the bush. People are using their platforms, or hopping on someone else’s platform, to shame and judge others’ recovery. Most often, they’re going after recovery tools or programs that cost money, but it goes beyond that. Shaming how people recover, mocking women who share sober inspiration. I’ve seen the strangest things in just the past few weeks, from parody accounts to straight up bullying and reputation destruction. And it’s worth mentioned that the only people I’ve personally seen harrassed, trolled or mocked are women.
And followers jump on these bandwagons without stopping for a second of critical thinking. The comments on these posts are damning, sheepish and just gross. The misinformation being spread is harmful and tasteless. and the buffoonery of it all is this goes against any and EVERY recovery program’s principles.
Instagram bullying says a lot about a person, and its easy to dismiss someone’s anger or vitriol as unhealed wounds, internal suffering or mental illness. But it still hurts the recipients. I think about Kanye West’s anti-Semitic rants that are likely fueled by mental illness but no less harmful and traumatic.
I don’t know if Instagram is getting worse because there are more people on there, or because disparaging comments fuel attention and likes, or if the fear-based thinking in recovery is at an all time high since the pandemic.
All I want for anyone in recovery is a safe space to share their stories. Maybe Instagram is not that place anymore. Every one of us has a story to tell. And it’s heart wrenching and powerful and profoundly personal because it is ours. I started sharing my sober story on Instagram four years ago but I don’t know if I’d have the heart to start today, seeing what I’ve seen.
And it’s not because the recovery community isn’t amazing. It’s because a few people are trying to steamroll anyone with a difference of opinion.
And that’s not recovery. That’s harassment.
What you can do: Call out bullying tactics. Support diverse recovery programs, offerings and advocates. Do some research before agreeing with disparaging comments. And reflect on your values. It’s so easy to fall into mob-mentality. Social media encourages it through its algorithm. Let’s make social media a safe place for anyone in recovery. Let’s make it safe. Period.
Louder. For. The. People. In. The. Back.