It’s Easier To Stay Sober Than To Keep Quitting
I still remember an urban legend I heard in my 20's about someone's dog.
It was my boyfriend's old roommate's friend's dog, or something. It was just one of those stories that gets passed down and you don't really know how much of it's true. But anyway, the guy left his dog at home for the weekend and gave him enough kibble to last the few days he would be gone. But apparently dogs don't understand how to ration and the dog ate all the food at once and died.
Again -- urban legend -- I have no idea if this story was true or if dogs even do this... not the point.
What I do remember is this story felt relatable AF. "I'm like that dog," I remember thinking. I was deep in my bulimia at this time and any meal was an opportunity to go full-on binge. Once I started, I couldn't stop.
There's something very primal in a binge. The endorphin rush is real and the more you consume, the longer you keep it going. Why eat a bowl of ice cream when I can enjoy a gallon? Why buy a donut when I can get a baker's dozen?
As many of you know, my eating disorder later morphed into substance use disorder. It was much easier to manage and less time consuming to sip cabernet while I parented. Call it 'mommy juice' and no one bats an eyelash.
Author Gretchen Rubin talks about two personality types she's studied: the abstainer and the moderator. Some people can eat a fun size Snickers and stop, and others (like me) need to avoid it or I will eat 20 of them (no exaggeration).
I am an abstainer because some things I'm simply not capable of moderating. Certain foods and booze.
I read a quote the other day: "It's a lot easier to not drink than it is to keep trying to stop drinking." (Jolene Park, image below)
I feel that in my bones. I don't drink anymore because it's easier. Sobriety has many benefits: it's fulfilling, it's beautiful, and it's empowering. But at the end of the day, it's just plain easier.
I somehow have to tie this all back to the poor dog, don't I? Ok, here goes... binging, or drinking a glass of wine and craving more more more... There are primal instincts behind these. We have evolved over thousands of years to seek out pleasure, to crave the endorphin rush.
It's how we've survived as a species.
If you have an abstainer mindset, you are not broken. There's a reason your body craves more. When we were hunting and gathering we ate everything we could get our hands on because tomorrow was unknown.
There was no Costco, people.
Put down the shame -- it doesn't serve you. Seek a solution instead. Keep booze out of your house, tell your partner your plans not to drink, buy some quit-lit, and set yourself up to succeed. You can and you will. Because as humans we have also evolved to be incredibly resilient. We are built to do hard things. And if I have to be the poor dog in this analogy to get the point across, I will be.
I can do many, many things. But moderating is not one of them. So I don't.
I choose none. And life is better for it.
(Image by Jolene Park)