Maybe It's ADHD (Part 1)

The Connection Between Addiction and ADHD, and does this explain everything???

This is part 1 of a two part series, and part 2 will be available for paid subscribers only. If you find value in these emails, I hope you will consider upgrading your subscription. Paid subscribers will get bonus content each week and access to all my posts (free members can only access above the paywall).

During the pandemic, my phone usage took a turn for the worse. Maybe it did for everyone. I was working as a communications director in the insurance industry, and the position was intense… working with the c-suite on communication strategy and executive level communications. But from the confines of my new “office”, set up in a corner of my bedroom at home, things felt — well — different.

Maybe it was the fact that I could hear my kids screaming through the walls, or that my bed was five feet from me at all times. It was no doubt in part that I had to dress professionally on top but got away with sweats and slippers below screen-level. I started multitasking my work more often with phone usage.

A long, boring zoom call often left my scrolling emails or LinkedIn as I listened. Or checking my notifications. Or scrolling other social media. It felt as mindless as fidgeting, doodling, or picking at my nails. Suddenly the idea of just staring at a screen without anything to keep my hands busy felt impossible.

Various surveys online can help you determine if ADHD is likely.

Like many, I discovered Tiktok during the pandemic. And somewhere along the way, I found myself in “ADHDtok”, where most of the videos I saw focused on how you know you have ADHD, the surprising truths about ADHD, and simple ways to self-diagnose yourself with it.

My son was diagnosed with severe ADHD when he was five, but otherwise, I was very unfamiliar with the diagnosis. It had never even occurred to me that I might have it. But suddenly I’m watching all these videos about how you know you have it and every single one spoke to me.

Symptoms, according to the Mayo Clinic, that especially hit home for me included:

• Disorganization and problems prioritizing

• Problems focusing on a task

• Excessive activity or restlessness

• Frequent mood swings

• Trouble coping with stress

When I shared my theory with my sister, she shocked me by saying “I think I have it too.” WHAT? But if she had it, and my son had it, all of a sudden the likelihood I had it started to make more sense.

Now before I get ahead of myself I want to also mention that the pandemic was an unprecedented time. Not only did alcohol use and drugs skyrocket during this time, but a lot of the ADHD symptoms we were all diagnosing ourselves with on Tiktok were somatic responses to a collective traumatic experience. So there’s that.

But the coexistence between ADHD and other disorders, such as alcohol use disorder was recognized long before the pandemic made ADHD a household discussion. While the pandemic-factor needs to be considered for anyone who — like me — only really started feeling paralyzed by distraction and mood shifts in 2020? I want to explore the coexisting conditions because that’s where things get really interesting.

By coexisting, I mean disorders that often occur along with ADHD. They include mood disorders, anxiety disorder, other psychiatric disorder (including substance use disorder), and learning disabilities. (This data is also from Mayo Clinic).

Approximately 25% of adults (the numbers for teens is different) that go to a treatment center for alcohol/substance abuse also live with ADHD.

As someone who struggles with mood disorders, anxiety disorder and psychiatric disorders — and someone who may or may not have ADHD, was I perfectly primed to turn to alcohol to survive where I didn’t feel like I had any alternatives?

When I told my psychiatrist my ADHD theory, she challenged me. “You might have it, you might not, and we can certainly look into it. But,” she mused, “I wonder what you might get out of an official diagnosis?”

I didn’t ask directly but I assume she was referring to prescription drugs. My son takes medication for his neurodivergence, but I won’t go near the stuff. A friend of mine in recovery for meth addiction says just one of her child’s Adderall pills would make her spiral right back and that scared the living crap out of me. Medication might help me but at what cost? I’ve spent the last five years trying to recover from one demon; do I really need to invite in another?

I sat on her words. No, medication was not something I was interested in, simply because of my history and because I don’t feel so stifled that I can’t get things done. This is a personal choice that will look different for everyone.

I started to wonder what the point of a diagnosis would be when I’m not interested in medication for it. In talking to a friend also in this predicament, she argued “But even just to know would help so much.” I hear that. Even my son’s various diagnoses have helped us tremendously in understanding him and in getting better support.

But I’m mid-way through my 40’s. I’m in recovery for alcohol use disorder. I have two kids who are draining the life out of me on the daily and I have a book coming out in the fall. On the priorities list, “get answers to why I am the way I am” slides down to tier two, maybe tier three.

Maybe it’s ADHD. But then again… the more I dug, the more complicated things got. Motherhood and the mental load is the OP of mental and emotional burnout, after all. Many of us are multitasking our days through grocery lists, meal planning, carpool logistics and gentle parenting 101. I don’t know a single working outside of the home mom who is 100% compartmentalizing their office time in the office without any parenting bleed over.

Now consider perimenopause, menopause, and the capitalistic structure of America today (all of which will delve into in Part 2)? And it feels less about identifying something as ADHD and more about women in 2023 just trying to survive.

This concludes Part 1. Part 2 will include screen addiction and how motherhood plays into all of this. And where I landed after a deep, intense dive into “Maybe it’s ADHD” — bonus points if you sang this like the “Maybe it’s Maybelline” jingle. Part 2 is for paid subscribers only so please join me for that and other bonus content!

My book, It’s Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture, is available for pre-order here.

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