My Favorite Moments in Parenting Do Not Include Alcohol
My favorite moments in parenting were never the wine soaked half memories of what may or may not have happened at the birthday party, the playdate or the mimosa fueled brunch.
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I do not look back on any of the hard times, when I struggled with PPD and anxiety and couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time, and wish I drank more.
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I can never go back and relive some of my babies' firsts: first steps, first words, first time they blew me a kiss -- and experience them sober. Feel the natural joy and euphoria of those precious moments without a few glasses of wine dulling my senses.
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Nor can I recall the frustrations, the inner rage of trying to connect my old self to this new one, the old life with my unrecognizably exhausting mom existence -- and wonder for even a second if more alcohol might have helped.
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Despite all the credit we give alcohol to helping us 'survive' parenting, I can truly look back and appreciate 0% of the role it played in my motherhood. You will never hear me wish I drank more to survive the challenges of parenting. Because, in truth, it only took away.
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And for all the time, money, and energy I spent convincing myself that 'mommy needs wine' to appreciate the milestones, I am left with fuzzier memories and ample regrets. And as mothers we deserve so much more than that. So do our children.
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