About twelve years ago, on a trip to Mexico, our group of vacationers all sat down to discuss activities for our week in paradise. We decided zip-lining and ATV riding were a “go.” A beach day and a trip to the iguana rehabilitation center also sounded great. But when the option of an all-day kayak trip through gorgeous inlet rivers came up, I hesitated.
All day trip.
Water and soda will be provided.
Alcoholic beverages not permitted.
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How could I spend a day on my vacation in Mexico and not drink? I couldn’t imagine depriving myself of that essential component of vacation. So I said “no.” I nixed the opportunity. I would have rather stayed back at the casita the entire day with access to day drinking than go on what I presume was a memorable and speculator kayak paddle through idyllic crystal clear water and exotic surroundings.
I don’t remember a thing about what I did that day instead. But I would bet everything that it included heavy drinking. I would also bet that had I gone on that kayak trip I would still remember the day vividly.
This is one of countless examples where my fixation on alcohol stifled me from living my best life. And I laugh at the absurdity of my belief that alcohol gave me freedom, when all it ever did was keep me shackled to the lesser of options.
I made decisions based on whether or not there’d be an open bar. I dated and formulated friendships based on their drinking habits (occasional drinkers made me feel self-conscious). I judged people who didn’t drink. And yes, I chose vacation activities around access to alcohol.
We don’t see how alcohol is like a ball and chain shackled to our ankle until sobriety gives us the key to free ourselves. And even in the first few weeks and months, we still walk with a limp, dragging the weight like we are constrained by something far more nefarious than a take-it-or-leave-it habit. It takes time to not only see but feel the ball and chain is truly gone. The limp subsides and not only can we walk smoothly again, I’ll be damned, we can fly. Only then do we see the freedom that comes with sobriety.
Sobriety is the opposite of deprivation, it is liberation.
Freedom to live in the present. Freedom to follow our passions, to find joy in our surroundings, and to nurture our relationships.
It feels liberating to make decisions that work best for me and my family, not feel ensnared by the addictive voice inside me telling me what will and won’t feed it. It feels powerful to have free will back. It feels euphoric to feel genuine desire again, never shadowed by ulterior motives.
Alcohol can’t give me anything I would want back anyway.
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