We have these thorns in our region called Goatheads. They are nasty little suckers and anyone who’s ever stepped on one knows it’s 100 times worse than stepping on a Lego.
When one of my dogs steps on one, which is not uncommon, they stop walking and lift their paw up. And then they wait.
They don’t try to walk on. They don’t try to get it out themselves. They don’t feel bad for slowing down the pace. They lift their paw and wait for the Goathead to be manually removed so we can move forward.
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And I, their mama, take no greater pleasure than stopping everything to remove the Goathead from their soft paw pad.
And it reminds me of our mental health. When life happens, as it does, and we get pierced by a thorn of anxiety or shame, hurt or depression — What if we stopped and worked on pulling the thorn out of our flesh? Or better yet, raise our hand and say I need help?
Not douse it with alcohol to numb it out for a couple hours.
Not ignore it and hope it goes away.
Not distract ourselves or try to out-busy the pain.
Not feel sorry for ourselves while the thorn sits idly.
Not believe the longer we continue on while pieced with a thorn, the stronger we’ll be.
I think about my years questioning my drinking; wondering if there's a better way but too afraid to ask. Years and years of the addiction thorn dragging me down but thinking to myself as long as I can still function, I’ll be ok. Despite the misery. Despite the shame spiral.
I think about my years with an eating disorder, thinking this is the price I must pay to stay thin in a skinny world. This thorn is my burden to carry. Despite the implications on my body. Despite the mental weight that replaced the physical I was so determined to shed.
So much time wasted. So much self-driven misery that I mistook as strength. Freedom even. It’s the opposite of what I want for my children. Resilience, yes. But martyrdom? No.
I hope my kids grow to understand when they experience pain or suffering, they can stop what they’re doing and focus on pulling out the thorn. That removing the thorn is their responsibility, not burden to carry forever. And that they don’t have to face it alone — sometimes all they have to do is raise their hand and say “I need help.”
Mama will not always be there to pull out the thorn; to fix the problem. But I want them to know that there is no shame in speaking up when they are in pain. In fact, it’s the fastest and safest way home.
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