The Problem With Mommy Wine Culture Isn’t The Wine
There seems to be some confusion over what “mommy wine culture” is and isn’t. Every time I say I take issue with the ‘mommy needs wine’ narrative someone inevitably says I’m shaming moms for drinking.
That is not what I’m saying at all. What I mean by mommy wine culture is the social narrative that states moms needs wine to cope, parent, and to overcome the challenges of raising children. This isn’t about drinking wine. It’s about blaming our kids as the reason we drink or suggesting wine in lieu of actual support for mothers who are truly struggling.
“It’s just a joke.” I already see the comment coming. Maybe, but it’s an awfully convenient joke that distracts us from the real problem: Moms need better support. It’s a joke where the only people who profit are alcohol companies and the patriarchy.
Mommy wine culture does a few things that are disturbing and dangerous:
It puts the weight of our struggle and frustrations on our children. Messages like "my kids are the reason I drink" or "my kids whine so mommy wines" send the message to our kids that they are the problem, which is inaccurate, unfair and damaging.
It distracts us from a much more important issue, getting support for mothers who are truly struggling. Making light or a joke out of it — making it seem as if wine is the answer. It is hurtful and insensitive to those who are genuinely asking for help.
It inaccurately implies alcohol to be helpful and a healthy coping mechanism when it is anything but that. Studies show that no amount of alcohol is safe, and alcohol is also a depressant. For moms who are in the thick of it or in the early stages of PPD, this is a dangerous lure, while also modeling unhealthy coping mechanisms for our children.
Finally, I would be remiss not to mention that alcohol is extremely addictive and can lead to a state where you cannot effectively parent, or parent at all. Suggesting it to cope is irresponsible and can cause far greater damage than a massive hangover the next day.
Next time you hear me or someone else mention mommy wine culture, remember… this is not an attack on moms or anyone drinking wine. This is frustration with the message that alcohol will solve some of the deeper societal woes that hold parents, especially moms, back.