The Queen's Gambit Tackles Addiction Better Than Anything Else on TV
There’s a scene in the Netflix mini series The Queens Gambit where the protagonist Beth is preparing for the chess game of her life. Sitting in a Paris hotel room she has her tea and is mentally collecting her thoughts for her big game the next day. That’s when a girl named Cleo calls. Cleo wants to meet her downstairs in the lobby bar. It’s just for one drink, she says. She mentions how elegant the bar is, how this might be her last chance to meet, and what a disappointment it would be to miss out on this opportunity.
Beth declines and put the phone down, but you see the wheels starting to turn in her head. She takes a sip of her tea and starts wondering what would be the harm of just one drink? In the next scene we see her walk into the bar and meet Cleo there.
I’m not gonna tell you what happens next because I want you to see this show yourself. It’s one of the best TV shows I’ve seen in a long time. But I do want to tell you that anyone who struggles with addiction knows a Cleo. Because Cleo isn’t just a character inadvertently trying to sabotage Beth; she lives inside of us.
Cleo ruins our moments of peace with her attempts to sabotage. Cleo takes everything we know that is the right thing to do and heckles it, revokes it, counter argues it to make us believe we are wrong. That we CAN just have one drink. That maybe this time it will be different. And by not drinking, think about what we could be missing out on.
Cleo has tried to sabotage me my whole life. And it wasn’t until the past few years I’ve been able to lower the volume of her calls. But I know I can never block her completely. She is a part of me and she even thinks of herself as a friend.
And while I used to see her as a friend too, with time and experience I’ve learned that some friendships are toxic. When Cleo calls, I don’t answer. I will sip my tea and be grateful I am sober.
Because when Cleo calls, what Beth really needs is Beth.
Just Beth.
I’ve had more evenings playing mental tug of war with Cleo than I can count. I wish I could tell you my decision to quit drinking was a light switch moment where I realized I didn’t owe anyone anything and I stopped picking up the phone calls from my own Cleo.
But addiction doesn’t work like that does it? For me it was more like a slow burn of lobby bar after lobby bar where the outcome never worked in my favor. The self realization that Cleo wasn’t glamorous or even that fun, but that she would destroy me someday.
I wish I could tell Beth that Cleo is wrong. “Don’t go downstairs!” I mentally shouted at my tv. And I wish I could tell this to everyone who struggles with addiction. But I can’t. I can only tell you my story.
And in my story, the protagonist hangs up the phone and goes back to her tea. She knows how a night with Cleo turns out. Because she’s already done the lobby bar scene one too many times. Because she wants a different outcome this time.