When Did Trick-or-Treating Turn Into A Pub Crawl?
And other reflections on our alcohol-centric culture
Standing at school drop off, I overheard a few other parents talking about Halloween preparations last week. One was mentioning he would break out the golf cart this year to streamline the trick-or-treating for the parents to be a little more comfortable. Then someone mentioned putting a beer keg on it to up the ante. Everyone laughed as we all stood around waiting for the bell to ring and the kids to line up to go into their classrooms.
If you find value in these emails, I hope you will consider upgrading your subscription. Paid subscribers will get bonus content each week and access to all my posts (free members can only access above the paywall). If you cannot afford a subscription, please respond to this email and let me know you can’t afford it but would like full access.
I started to think about this phenomenon… when did trick or treating turn into a “pub crawl” for parents? Has it always been like this and I’ve just never paid it any heed? Or is it a newer phenomenon in the wake of Big Alcohol and mommy wine culture. This concept that parents need alcohol to make an already exciting experience even more pleasurable.
The topic came up in a sober meeting too; something I call “the noticing.” When we quit drinking or get sober curious and start to see things we never before realized. That alcohol is everywhere. That we are so brainwashed by exhaustive marketing and messaging that alcohol is a required accessory to a good time. That we get so comfortable with this narrative, questions or concerns over the what and why can get reactions of defensiveness and rage.
I posted a short Tiktok to this question about Halloween and the pub crawl experience and received hundreds of comments, some rude and dismissive. “Karen,” “You sound like a lot of fun,” and “Why the fuck do you care” were a few of the more memorable ones, though I don’t dare go back and look again. And again, my thoughts drifted back to the noticing of sobriety. How easy it is to be defensive towards alcohol and its seemingly unquestioned presence at every holiday, event, and social experience. A necessary tool on dates, to mourn breakups, or to extinguish boredom. Drink when we are happy, sad, heartbroken or lost in the parenting time-lapse abyss.
The noticing is finally recognizing alcohol for what it really is and also bearing witness to the cognitive dissonance so many people experience around this widely accepted drug. It’s not bad or good — it’s just noticing. Seeing things differently for the first time, like wearing glasses after years of accepting life in soft focus.
We can notice these things and not judge or condemn people who don’t. We can dig into the science around alcohol and not feel the need to educate everyone around us who never asked in the first place. I’ll admit it can be hard. When I first felt the excitement around the gifts of sobriety I wanted to preach! Especially when I got compliments or saw massive progress or rewards. But we must tread lightly. People have very strong opinions or beliefs around alcohol and many have no interest in noticing anything new, certainly not negative. It’s not our job to evangelize everyone around us.
But it is okay — encouraged even — to lean into the noticing. Notice the social patterns around drinking. Question them, even. Ask yourself what’s wrong with this picture. This framing of alcohol to each other and our children. Notice our culture’s increasing of normalization of heavy and binge drinking culture and seek to understand why and how we got here. And best of all, get excited.
Because more often than not, after the noticing comes the reckoning.
Where You’ve Seen Me
Check out my podcast interview with the Impactful Parenting Podcast here. Or watch it on YouTube!
Thank you to She Found Motherhood podcast for having me on! I really enjoyed talking on the topic of mommy wine culture and postnatal health and hearing the Canadian perspective as well.
Kelsey Formost is just such a delight and beautiful person. I could feel her positive energy though the computer screen when we talked on her podcast Find Your Magic. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
I had so much fun at my first/only public book event! Thank you to Sundance Books for having me and to my family and friends who came to support me. I’m beyond grateful.
Pssst. If you sign up as a founding subscriber, you will not only get access to all my writing, but I will send you a signed copy of my book: It’s Not About the Wine!
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to The Sober Mom Challenge to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.