"Why Can't You Have Just One?"👀
On The Insanity of Peer Pressure (as an ADULT... in 2025!)
I have INCREDIBLE news! My audiobook will be available on February 18th! This process took a year and a half, and so many of you asked for an audio version; I’m thrilled to finally share the news. Preorder now!
The other day, I was chatting with my friend Amy, who started a new job about six months ago. She recently had her second baby and said that since then, she’s experienced adverse effects to drinking even just one drink, so she really hasn’t had any alcohol in over a year and has no intention of drinking anytime soon.
She said that her boss seems more than uncomfortable with her decision to abstain. In the last six months, he has commented on her decision with the following statements: “Just have one,” “Don’t be boring,” and “Why can’t you have a drink?”
This kind of pressure is not okay, and to be coming from a direct supervisor is incredibly inappropriate. My friend abstains for personal reasons unrelated to addiction but I can only imagine the pressure that might put on someone like me who struggled with alcohol use disorder, where “just having one” could be to the detriment of my health, my job and even my life.
A toxic drinking culture in the workplace benefits NO ONE. While I think people previously believed it encouraged camaraderie in the workplace, that myth has been debunked time and time again through research and statistics around adverse results of drinking in the workplace or in connection to the workplace.
And yet, the pressures to imbibe can be extensive and exhausting. “The social stakes of workplace drinking cultures can be forebodingly high, especially for individuals who choose not to drink,” according to Access Health News. “The unspoken and often confusing protocol around workplace drinking creates enormous social pressure to conform and consume alcohol, whether or not employees feel comfortable with such substance use.”
I think of my friend Amy and her multiple awkward exchanges with her boss. Amy doesn’t want to involve HR because it doesn’t bother her that much, and she’s not concerned with caving to peer pressure (or boss pressure, in this case). Calling out a co-worker in this situation could lead to an uncomfortable work dynamic or even social isolation. It’s a risk, and the implications for Amy, the new employee, are greater for her than for her boss.
If Amy can’t speak out, I can (and she’s given me permission to share this story). A workplace that pushes drinking or drinks on employees is not okay. A toxic drinking workplace does not improve company culture. And a work dynamic built on alcohol-infused “relationship building” serves no one.
It’s time to change our toxic drinking workplace culture and do a better job of supporting and including our alcohol-free colleagues. An employee should never feel pressured or ostracized for abstaining from alcohol. A truly inclusive work environment includes making alcohol-free employees feel safe and valued, always offering alcohol-free options at company events, and striving for a company culture built on genuine relationship building.
Have you bought my book, It’s Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture? Buy it here. And please leave a review on Amazon when you’re finished!
Comments are for paid subscribers only.