Wonder Woman with a Drinking Problem
“I wonder if this is how normal feels.”
Several drinks in, I remember the feeling of warmth, the confidence oozing from me. My anxiety melted away and I felt like the most beautiful, capable girl in the room.
I wish I could say this is how it felt the first time I drank. But in fact, this is how I felt every time I drank. I felt like a different person – a better person, dare I say. Because I was now the person exuding the characteristics my friends, family, and society kept telling me not to fear.
“Smile, Celeste. You are beautiful. Show some confidence! Stop worrying about everything.”
This magic elixir felt like a superpower venom pumping through my veins. Like Peter Parker probably felt when he got bit by the spider.
Alcohol fueled me with everything I believed I lacked in real life. It made me feel like I had superpowers. I became Wonder Woman, in a way.
Only problem was this Wonder Woman didn’t know how to stop. She never felt satisfied and would seek more and more; leading to her self-destruction.
It would make a great movie right? It’s pretty much the premise of every superhero movie. Power and learning to control it. Only this time, it’s poison and learning how to stop at just one.
It turns out superpowers are not a good fit for me. I would be the movie character who gets power-hungry and almost destroys the world trying to feed her demons.
I abused my supposed “superpowers” for a long time. In fact, it’s amazing I’m still alive at all. But I’ve learned that feeling normal or even good shouldn’t come from a drug or a pill. I’ve learned that self-confidence is a trait that can be naturally nurtured and strengthened over time. And I’ve discovered that when I feel the fear and do it anyway? Well, thats the true meaning of superhero.
The world wants me to be Wonder Woman. Society wants women to be sexy, confident, and strong. It’s taken me a long time to feel good about who I am. And while I may be far from joining the Avengers, I represent a new normal in this world we live in. A sober woman who doesn’t abuse alcohol to feel empowered anymore.
And that feels really good.