Let's Talk About Cannabis Mom

I always know what’s gone mainstream when my mom starts talking about it. In her 70’s, my mom is pretty hip for her age and has a gaggle of adorable, active, and fun-loving friends around the same age. They share memes that are a few years old. They watch viral videos once they reach Facebook. And they will probably be all over the Stanley cup trend later this summer. So when she mentioned taking edibles with her friends at a recent house party, I had to laugh. It was just a matter of time.

In the past several years, my neighborhood in south Reno has seen lots of changes, and none more obvious than the assimilation of cannabis distilleries on every corner following the state’s legalization of marijuana in 2017. It seems like there are as many cannabis stores as Starbucks these days, and equally as accessible. Just as we can order our favorite cold brew from our phone, cannabis stores boast drive thru’s and delivery options. It’s no surprise, therefore, that the latest studies show a staggering surge in drug use over the last few decades.

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“In 2022, about 17.7 million people reported daily or near-daily marijuana use, compared with 14.7 million people who reported drinking at the same frequency, said the report, which was based on more than four decades of data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health.” The culmination of 27 different studies involving 1.6 million participants, the research is the first to record more frequent users of cannabis than alcohol.¹

While I don’t know a lot of people that smoke regularly (although a few of my mom’s friends use it occasionally for sleep), I see evidence of it everywhere. Besides Reno, my last trip to New York City was heavy with the smell of it on every street corner. Even this last weekend, the bat cave in the Portland Zoo reeked of it. I towed my 10 year old out of there before we even had a chance to look at the bats.

I also meet a lot of women in recovery who are “Cali sober”, meaning they are sober from alcohol but still smoke pot. Demi Lovato popularized this form of sobriety when she labelled herself Cali sober a few years ago.

As a woman in alcohol use disorder recovery, I consider myself lucky. The few times I’ve tried marijuana were terrible experiences and I never enjoyed the drug’s effects. Unlike the happy buzz alcohol gave me in the first sip, pot made me feel paranoid and self-conscious. Despite this, I am genuinely grateful I got sober before cannabis became so mainstream because I’m a creature of peer pressure, pop culture and always looking for the next ‘easy button.’ I might have succumbed to the wave in popularity and thus put myself at risk of struggling with one more thing.

Enter the emergence of the cannabis mom, like the “wine mom” but edgier, doing double duty to defy stereotypes and integrate new wave feminism as the legalization of the drug sweeps the states. I’ve only watched a few Instagram accounts really pushing this message (though it’s probably growing by the day) but I see how hard these influencers are working to fight stigmas around smoking pot and still being a good parent. Mothers giving themselves permission to take a smoking break because parenting is hard. Parents who believe they are better parents when they can partake in this form of self-care.

Sound familiar? It should. It’s mommy wine culture meets edibles. Or vapes. Or candy flavored gummies.

As a former proponent of mommy wine culture, I recognize the barriers these influencers think they’re surmounting. They are demanding destigmatization of gendered norms around parenting and drug use. They are pushing for moms to have the freedom to do drugs safely and without ramifications the same way men/fathers do. Without shame. Without fear of someone calling CPS.

I know that fear. I know that frustration. Why can men laugh and joke about drinking or smoking and no one bats an eyelash but when a woman does it? Tsk tsk.

So when I see the cannabis mom messaging on social media, I feel so much empathy. I have been there in one way or another. I know the feeling of needing to turn down the noise of a life that felt unmanageable. And just like the caretakers turning to wine, those using marijuana or any other drug to mellow out are seeking a crutch in lieu of genuine support.

This isn’t about cannabis, in the same way mommy wine culture isn’t about the wine. Alcohol and drugs are a means to an end. This is about caretakers who feel backed into a corner. This is about mothers who need better support systems. This is about unequal distribution of labor at home, lack of postpartum support, limited parental leave options in America and unsustainable expectations around parenting.

If we fixed many of the broken systems in place, women wouldn’t feel the need to advocate for parenting under the influence. Someone’s decision to consume drugs wouldn’t feel like a progressive push for women’s rights and equality. It would be an individual choice made by individuals. Period.

Parents have been smoking, pill popping and drinking for a long time; long before social media, and long before mommy wine culture. The harms of justifying drug use because of the challenges of parenting linger on our children subconsciously, consciously and collectively over the generations. While the human desire to numb out will remain indefinitely, I hope the needs behind that desire change perversely in the coming years. I hope for a time when mommy needing a drink or a smoke isn’t a controversial message of empowerment, liberation, or even humor, but simply one of individual choice.

Have you bought my book, It’s Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture? Buy it here. And please leave a review on Amazon when you’re finished!

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